• Erin

How to Get Recognition on Stepmother's Day

The first Mother's Day after my daughter was born came when she was about four months old. Four months after a twenty hour, non-medicated labour, four months of (painfully) learning how to breastfeed, four months of sleepless nights and recovery.

Mother's Day came and I eagerly anticipated the flowers, a gift, breakfast in bed... something. Instead, I got... nothing. My husband is incredibly loving and thoughtful. But those holidays ("Hallmark holidays" to him) aren't important. He would say, "If you don't feel appreciated every day, then I'm not doing my job". That's so sweet... but no. I also want the Hallmark holiday haha.

So instead of doing what I had always done in my past - pout for a couple of days and answer "nothing" when asked what was wrong - I finally decided to be more direct. I told my husband that for me, the day was important. That I wanted to be recognized. It didn't have to be anything big, but a gesture of some kind.

From then on, every Mother's Day has been a lovely day.

We talk about expectations with our partner all the time. About finances. About household chores. About vacations. About so much. But we often find it difficult to talk about expectations with these types of things.

The problem is, your partner is not a mind reader. So if you want some kind of recognition for Stepmother's Day (or Mother's Day, or whatever day!), you need to ask for it. Asking doesn't make it less special - it's just about being clear with your expectations.

Stepmother's Day has been celebrated for about twenty years, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be acknowledged on that day. You bring so much to your family, and you deserve it. Just be clear about your hopes for the day. And Happy Stepmother's Day!


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